The Four Ways of Divorce: A Concise Guide to What You Need to Know About Divorce Using Litigation, Negotiation, Collaboration and Mediation

2 Comments

1. DYork says:

   August 16, 2010 at 6:14 pm

   Going through divorce and need healing with bare-bones practical advice?

   “Four Ways…” is a must-have.

   In “The Four Ways Of Divorce, Litigation, Negotiation, Collaboration and Mediation,” Rachel Virk breaks down the complex and emotionally laden subject of divorce into manageable choices. She then explains matter-of-factly the sub-processes invoked on taking each of the choices. Before going on, let me interrupt right now to say with emphasis – This is one genuine, honestly-written book.

   Like books you can open to any page hoping for an answer as if divined, Virk’s book does just this. Here she says “…Walk this difficult road with dignity, holding your head high. You can’t see where you’re going if you’re starting at your feet. Accept graciously the support of those who are willing to respectfully and knowledgeably help you through this. Look forward, not backward. Concentrate on the immediate. Prioritize. Take one step at a time, with the final goal clearly in mind…”

   I just feel good when I read this book. Its tone is one of hope. As Virk states, “I want to give assurance that….will help to define and develop the whole person you are becoming.” It’s a book that can impart focus where needed at this time in your life. The first chapter alone has got to be worth the book’s price. I’ve re-read it at least four times. Virk seems to give a resounding “Yes” to the many problems inherent in living through a divorce. When you put down “The Four Ways…,” you can then feel that life goes on… There is life after divorce.

   Of course Virk’s book is also chock full of requisite information you can immediately use, typical to many other guides of this kind – how to choose a lawyer, mediator and various other professionals, such as financial, mental health, military service member advisors, and what to expect if you must go to court, etc… In addition to being a practical guide, the book contains appendixes of helpful financial worksheets and other useful checklists. I’ve often referred to these resourceful sections. They are clear, well-organized, useful.

   Yet it is “The Four Ways of Divorce” deviancy from the purely practical that draws me in. Virk devotes a significant portion of the book to healing, finding “rehabilitative experts,” preserving the family and most importantly, the children.

   She goes on considerably identifying and offering resolutions to many delicate issues on the affects of, and the best treatment of children during this most difficult of time of life, as in this example, “Children can become emotionally damaged when they are forced to spend time with a parent’s new love interest, when they are not ready to have that person in their lives, or don’t like that person…” One could argue that’s merely stating the obvious, yet it appropriately serves as necessary reminder to those in the throes of crises.

   Also, please understand the point that this book is just so un-lawyerly. It is so refreshing to hear an attorney speak knowledgeably in a caring voice with seeming heart and soul. Not in terms most of us now stereotypically expect from lawyers, barely veiled monetary and greed-based agendas. Virk goes on for at least two entire pages on with tips and techniques for dealing with the new two-home family and children — the innocents in the tough divorce process.

   Virk tells the story of divorce, its outcomes, life afterward and lessons learned with compassion and in sparse and simple language. It’s an easy, quick read simple to understand without being simplistic. One style employed is her asking and answering many, many questions, some of the more important ones she’s likely dealt with in her 19 years of litigation experience. As she puts it, “Make sure you know the right questions to ask, and then make sure you get the right answers from the right professionals…” Meanwhile, she continues throughout the book to deliver near undermining How-To lists based on keeping your money and not giving it to lawyers. It’s a downright subversive attitude, not a self-serving agenda you may expect from a lawyer.

   While Virk favors collaboration and mediation “…what you think is fair…”, and healing, her advice goes on to handle the other end of the spectrum of choice, as well, the “journey down the warpath to stand up for what you must.” Additionally unique about “The Four Ways of Divorce” is Virk’s lacing it with so many nuggets of wisdom, almost off-handedly amidst the explanations and how-to lists, “The pain is real. So is the opportunity to be the best person you can…” to “Do what you wouldn’t mind seeing on your headstone.”

   It’s hard to find comprehensive examples to illustrate anything but miniscule portions of a much broader and deep whole, yet I found myself constantly smiling at Virk’s little verbal zingers throughout the book, such as the following: “If you pursue a desertion divorce, you may simply spend a lot of money trying to buy a piece of paper signed by a judge legally announcing to the public that your spouse got tired of you, before you got tired of him or her.”

   To conclude, I cannot believe my luck to have stumbled across so valuable a book at a time when I needed it most. Especially, given the quantity of books on the subject, it makes finding it all the more remarkable. A part of me wouldn’t want my x2b to see this review, become encouraged to order this book immediately as I would lose my competitive advantage.

   Then again, if I take what I believe to be Virk’s real message to heart, I should have no worries. Though shattered as we go through a divorce, we can come from a position of strength, abundance, faith and trust. The Four Ways of Divorce is a book difficult to describe, summarize, categorize, pigeonhole. If you are going through a divorce, I just have to strongly recommend you must read it for yourself.
   Rating: 5 / 5
2. Miss Ellie says:

   August 16, 2010 at 7:48 pm

   If you are thinking about getting a divorce, this is the one book you need to read. Clear, concise, and written for the “average lay-person”, this book will walk you through the process of litigtaion, negotiation, collaboration and mediation – all in terms and processes that you will understand. Especially helpful are the financial worksheet forms in the back of the book. Although no one can profess to know exactly what a judge’s final decision will be, this book prepares you for whatever the court may order. It asks lots of questions that you need to be asking yourself as you navigate your way through the divorce process. Custody, property settlement, when to tell the children/how to tell the children: this book deals with it all. It doesn’t just throw legal jargon at you and hope that you understand. Ms. Virk explains in detail the entire process that each person will go through and how to best deal with the court process as a whole. The book succeeds in not bashing or trashing the other party, and instead helps you deal with the entire separation/divorce process from start to finish. This book also gives you hope that you can get the happiness you deserve. Ms. Virk does not promise that you will not be put through the fire. She gives you the tools and teaches you not only how to deal with the flames but how to survive with only marginal burns and heal yourself, becoming stronger and happier in the end. Its refreshing to hear a lawyer tell you ways to keep your money and your sanity, and ways to keep costs down on what can be a very expensive battle.
   I found this book to be a wealth of information regarding settlement and divore and recommend it highly.
   Rating: 4 / 5