A BRIEF LOOK AT WHAT THE U.S. CENSUS SAYS ABOUT CO-PARENTING & CHILD SUPPORT

Introduction

The U.S. Census released Custodial Mothers & Fathers & Their Child Support:  2007 (Grail, 2009)[1]on November 5, 2009.  Using 2008 data, the report examines what child support income custodial parents receive from noncustodial parents.   This is a summary of the report’s findings on parents and their child support agreements.

The Universe

The report defines “Custodial parent” as a parent who raised their biological child in their home but the other biological parent lived elsewhere.  So the number included those who lived alone, were remarried, or co-habituating with an adult other than the biological parent.

Minor children are defined as children under that age of 21 who live with at least one biological parent.  So children in foster care or being raised by other relatives were not included.

The Numbers

Here are some numbers to remember. In 2007, there were:

81.6M children in the U.S. under the age of 21. 21.8M, or 26%, of these children were raised in a home with only one biological parent. 13.7M  parents raised these 21.8M children. 83% of these parents were mothers. 39% were mothers over 40, 35% in their 30’s and 26% were in their 20’s. 17% of these parents where fathers but the report gave no age data.

The Agreements

Out of the 13.7M parents only 7.4M, 54%, of them had a formal, legally enforceable agreement or court award for financial support from the other parent, i.e. child support order.   Less than .5% had informal agreements.  The remainder, about 45%, had no agreement at all.  Asked why, these custodial parents stated they didn’t have a formal agreement because they (parents could give more than one answer):

35% felt no need to go to court to make it legal 35% thought the other parent was already giving all they could 32% felt the other parent couldn’t pay anything even if they did get a court order 28% Could not find the parent or had not legally establish paternity 26% didn’t want the other parent to pay 19% did not want contact with the other parent 18% stated the child stayed with the other parent part of the time

It is highly probable that this 45% who don’t have a child support agreement were also never married and lived above the poverty line.  Divorced parents would have been required by the court to establish formal child support at the time of the divorce.  Likewise, a custodial parent who received government assistance (Medicaid, TANF, food stamps) to offset child expenses would have been required by that agency to seek a formal child support award through the courts.

The Money

Of the 7.8M parents that had pursued legally enforceable child support awards, the research looked at the 6.4M, 86%, which were actually due child support.

Less than half of that 6.4M, 46%, received the full amount owed.  30% received some but not all. Almost 24% received nothing.

The average amount of child support due to the 6.4M during was $445 per month or $5,350 per year.

The average amount of child support actually received was $3,350 per year or $280 per month.

58% of all parents due child support also receive at least one type of noncash support like gifts for birthdays and special occasions, clothes, food, medical expenses (not insurance) payments for child care or summer camp.

Co-Parenting & Child Support

Not surprisingly, parents who had a greater connection to the rearing of their child had a better rate of child support payments.   82% of the of the 6.4M parents due child support payments also had arrangements for joint custody or co-parenting time.

The vast majority, 78% received some if not all of the child support due opposed to the  67% who did not have joint custody or co-parenting agreement.

What Does It All Mean

Good Co-Parenting relationships between parent and child trump court enforced child support orders.  Over 1/4th of American children live with only one biological parent.  A little less than half of these parents choose not to pursue court ordered child support mainly because they didn’t see the need to make it legal.  This strongly indicates that they were able to work together with their co-parent, without court intervention, to financially support their children – this is an overlooked demographic.  Conversely, 55% of custodial parents with court ordered support receive less than what is ordered or nothing at all.  Proving that relying solely on the court process to receive child support is not always the best investment.  Necessary in some situations? Of course.  However, with 78% of parents with joint custody or co-parenting arrangements receiving some if not all child support awarded, the better method is to support a better relationship between parents and their children.

[1] Grail, T. S. (2009). http://www.census.gov/prod/2009pubs/p60-237.pdf. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Commerce, Census Bureau.

If there is one subject that tears at a parent’s heart it is the issue of custody. Determining who gets custody and visitation is different in every case. There is no exact formula to follow, but there are guidelines and principles you will want to follow to make sure that your child gets the best possible arrangement.

I often hear people discuss custody when they have no idea what the meaning of the word is. Is it any wonder then that people are so confused and scared about this? So let’s define what we are really talking about here. There are two types of custody that the court considers: (these are generalizations, not legal definitions)

Legal Custody – The right to make decisions regarding education, medical care, dental care, and religion. Physical Custody – This is the right pertaining to where the child typically resides.

When both parents have these rights it is considered “Joint” Legal or Physical Custody. Even if the living arrangement isn’t an equal split, the parent with less time can be deemed to have Joint Physical Custody.

No matter what type of Legal and Physical Custody (sole or joint) are granted the visitation schedule needs to be worked out. Read that again then come back. What most people are talking about is the visitation schedule (sometimes referred to as a parenting plan) not custody. While custody does have certain rights, parents almost always have the right to visitation with their children.

First things first. If the parents can come to an agreement, they can draw it up and the court will likely accept it as is and simply file it because it meets the needs of all parties and the court doesn’t want to interfere if it isn’t needed. However, if the parents can’t come to an agreement, the court considers how much visitation time a parent will receive, and is guided by the “best interests of the child.” This is where you get do your homework and really build your case. If the child is an infant and the mother breast feeds, fathers’ visitation is likely to be short daytime visits. If one parent lives out of state, the visits are likely to be holidays and summers. If the parents live close to each other, the child is healthy, 7 or 8 years of age or older, and both parents work normal schedules, it is highly likely that an almost equal schedule can be reached. You should be seeing some practical patterns emerge at this time.

Finally, let’s look at how the child’s wishes affect the outcome. It is a myth that if a child is 12 the court will do what they want. There is no magical age and no guarantees. When the court interviews the child, they do so privately. What the child says is kept private and is not shared with anyone. The court will take into account the situation of both parents, the age of the child and how mature they are, and what the effects of the child’s wishes would have on the relationships of the child with both parents.

You can see that there are many factors that the court must weigh before making a decision. There are no hard and fast rules and no one can predict the outcome. But you can put forth a reasonable argument based on your circumstances if you know what the court is looking to accomplish.

You might think that your ex-wife has you by the wallet and the heart-strings by having full custody of your children, making every attempt to keep you from seeing your kids, or by having you pay extraordinary amounts of child support to financially assist her in raising your kids without you.  But know that things can always be turned around in your favor if you want to gain custody of your children, increase the amount of visitation rights you have, and lower your child support payments to your ex-wife.

Many men have a negative approach to family court.  They think that the court will automatically be against them, that their ex-wife’s attorney is going to run them dry, and that they’re basically screwed in the long-run.  But this is not the case at all–father’s rights have come a long way, and every court wants a father to have a part in their children’s lives. 

In order to fight your ex-wife in court to get custody of your kids, you can forgo the expensive court costs and attorney fees and go into court confidently Pro Se.  Self-representation can be scary sometimes, but know that many fathers before you have done the same and been successful.  The best way to reap the benefits of their success is to use their winning court strategies to a T.  Having another father who has been there, done that is an excellent way to obtain a mentor that can help you through the uphill battle of father’s rights.  Have someone whose been through it all look over your paperwork, offer objective opinions and play “Devil’s Advocate” for you in order to assist you in preparing for unexpected arguments that may arise in court.

By having a mentor assist you through the process of obtaining father’s rights, you will be one step ahead of your ex-wife and her attorney at all times during family court.